Flights of Fantasy
by Engelsaugen
Summary: Squall and Rinoa have to face not only the world after defeating Ultemecia, but also have to come to terms with their feelings for each other.
1. Chapter 1: Recoveries

_**Edit: **_Since I only had the first part up when I got someone to beta the story I had them read over it and uploaded the version that we decided on afterward.

_**Author's Note:**_ This is a rewrite of _Once More with Feeling_. Since I changed the name, and reworked a few things in it, and plan on working more on it, I decided to just start fresh.

_**Disclaimer:**_ I do not own any of the characters listed in this story. The world and characters are found in Final Fantasy VIII and are © to Square Enix.

"Flights of Fantasy"

_**1: Recoveries **_

Ocean waves crashed against the rocky cliffs by the run down light house while wind blew the salty air through the nearby Balamb Garden. Headmaster Cid had announced that they would stay for a week before making the return trip home. This decision brought on in part by Dr. Kadowaki's insistence, so she could run tests on those who were involved in the recent battle to save the world. Cid needed this time to be able to negotiate with the workers at Fisherman's Horizon to help put the Garden back into place. He had also been visited by Selphie Tilmett multiple times in regards to Trabia Garden's dire state. At her request she was given charge to create a relief team that would go to Trabia and work with them until they could get back on their feet.

Cid's wife, former Sorceress Edea, spent most of her time around the old orphanage with a sketch book working on designs to rebuild her beloved home. She didn't spend much time at the Garden due to the fact that most of the inhabitants were still extremely wary of her, but she could be seen every morning and evening sharing meals with Cid. A speculation going around the Garden was that the Headmaster purposely ate with her in the cafeteria, instead of in private, to try to alleviate any residual animosity towards her. Only time will tell whether his intentions will work.

As for the _Light House Gang,_ the name that Selphiecoined for the group, they went through all sorts of tests, both physical and mental to determine that they were fit to return to duty. While most of them had sustained injuries that prevented them from returning back to training or being sent out on missions right away, only one of them was confined to the infirmary.

Squall Leonhart lay back on the bed, staring out the infirmary's window at the vast ocean beyond. No one visited him, but that was of his own doing, he had requested for no one to be allowed to visit. He wasn't up for just anyone stopping by to give him their thanks; he did not want to be praised for just doing his job. However, there was one who visited throughout each day, Rinoa Heartilly. Squall didn't hesitate in giving permission for her to see him, they didn't talk much, she just sat with him for a while until Dr. Kadowaki would usher her away to do more check ups and tests. Squall had a few fractured ribs, some internal bleeding, a concussion, and a fractured right wrist keeping him bedridden after everyone else was released. The young commander was almost glad of the injuries, he was allowed time almost completely alone.

On the last day before they were scheduled to head out, Rinoa once again sat by her Knight's bedside. It wasn't even noon yet, but the other students and SeeD could be heard out in the halls getting ready for lunch. Squall sighed and closed his eyes trying to block out the sounds of the hyper people outside.

Setting down the book she'd been attempting to read, Rinoa gazed over at the young man. She'd brought the book everyday for the past few days since Squall didn't seem much like talking, but she'd only managed to get a few pages of it read. Her mind was too cluttered to immerse herself in a fairytale. She put the book softy on the night table next to her chair and the bed, and stood up. Tucking her leg up under her, she sat down on the bed next to him. She bit her lip, "Squall?" He didn't respond. She reached out her hand to touch his, but hesitated before actually taking it in hers. In a whisper, more to herself than anything, "I wish I knew how to use my powers. If I did then you wouldn't still be in here." Not knowing if he was even still awake she caressed the bandages on his hand and laid down next to him.

Squall's mind was racing as she cuddled into him. To her surprise he started stroking her hair with his good hand, and lightly kissed the top of her head. Trying to clear his overwhelming thoughts, Squall inhaled deeply the sweet scent of flowers that clung to Rinoa's hair. His body relaxed and he was able to start drifting off to sleep, but the doctor came in ruining any thoughts of such a thing.

"Okay you two, Rinoa I need to do another check up," she smiled, happy to see that someone was finally able to get close to the young loner.

Sitting up slowly, "Alright. I'll come back later tonight, if that's okay with you Squall." She turned and gave him a questioning look. Their eyes met, causing her heart to speed up, she saw worry, and to her, what looked like love. _"No, that can't be, he just cares about me that's all,"_ she thought to herself. _"He cares about all of his friends."_

He couldn't figure out why she was looking at him like he was some kind of puzzle. "Whatever..." he replied. Rinoa rolled her eyes, stood up and walked out of the infirmary. The doctor started checking his vitals and poking around at his ribs, he winced but tried not to let on that anything still hurt.

"Your internal injuries are healing up nicely. Your concussion is no longer a worry. I think you should be well enough to get out of here in the morning," she said absentmindedly while she checked the bruises on his ribs. "Though I must warn you, you are far from being ready to be back in the field, let alone training. It'll still be a few weeks before you'll be up to that."

"Yah, okay," though he wasn't looking forward to facing everyone anytime soon.

Rinoa's mind was in a daze for the walk back to her room. _"First he shows affection and kisses my head, and then I think I see love in his eyes. C'mon girl you've got to get a grip on things. He's been through a lot, who knows what he's thinking."_ She let out a small giggle, _"No one does. Wonder if he even knows."_ A group of laughing students went silent as she passed by them. She sped up a little to get to the safety of the dorms faster. Squall wasn't the only one that didn't really want to face the masses._ "I'm 'Sorceress Rinoa', the one who let out Adel._ _I'd prefer not to dwell much on what people probably think of me right now." __  
_  
She pushed open the door to the room that Headmaster Cid had graciously loaned out to her and quickly closed it behind her. Grabbing a blanket off the bed and wrapping it around her, she sat on the desk in front of the window. From there she had a perfect view of the light house and the orphanage that Squall and the others grew up in. That's when she saw them. The _Light House Gang_ minus two, all walking out to the beach just beyond the old building. With a heavy sigh, a tear cut its way down her cheek. _"I don't belong here. The only friends I have are their own little group, one that I'll never be a part of. We still don't know where Seifer is, and Squall went back to saying only one word sentences, even to me. The world doesn't want me. I don't fit in here. What happens now?"_ She pulled up her knees and buried her face in the blanket, crying softly. _"I've never felt so alone."_

Squall also saw the rest of the _Light House Gang_ exiting the Garden. _"Probably out to say 'goodbye' to the old orphanage. Why bother? It's just an old building."_ But then a small voice in the back of his head reminded him, _"It's also the place that I promised…"_ He shook his head free of the memory. _"She's already broken down most of my defenses. I let myself start to fall for her, and I almost lost her. It's better to be alone, than to let people in, caring for them, and have them leave. It hurts too much."_ That same voice crept back in, _"But I've already let her in. She's already in my head, in my heart. I can't stop thinking about her." _He closed his eyes, _"Where do we go from here? Cid has already expressed to me that he wants me to stay on as Commander. I don't think I want that much responsibility; I haven't even been SeeD for long at all. There are more qualified people, such as Xu." _He groaned in frustration.

Dr. Kadowaki leaned her head in the doorway, "Squall? Is there something wrong?"

"No, Doctor. I'm just thinking," he tried to manage a smile, but it ended up looking more like a grimace. The older woman chuckled to herself and retreated back to her office.


	2. Chapter 2: Conversations

_**Author's Note: **_This took longer than it should have to get up because _Final Fantasy XIII_ came out this week and I got a little sidetracked with that. Also it was rather difficult to pull my beta away long enough to read through this.

_**Disclaimer:**_ I do not own any of the characters listed in this story. The world and characters are found in Final Fantasy VIII and are © to Square Enix.

"Flights of Fantasy"

_**2: Conversations**_

As the sun set over the ocean Squall looked at the clock above the door. It'd been hours since Rinoa had left and he started to wonder if she was really coming back before nightfall. Unable to sleep since she'd left his side, he occupied his time contemplating whether or not he'd stay on as Commander. He looked up at the clock again, _"Maybe it's because I was my normal self and brushed her off when she asked if it was alright to come back. It's never stopped her before though… I really hope everything is alright." _He played absentmindedly with the edge of one of the bandages around his ribs. There was a new dilemma that he had to confront, and this one couldn't wait any longer.

Rinoa was still sitting on her desk, leaning up against the window. Every so often she'd have another bout of sobbing; they'd subside just before her head would start to ache. She'd then place her cheek against the glass, thankful that the coolness of it countered the heat radiating from her cheeks. With so much on her mind, she barely noticed the darkening sky and what that meant in regards to her promise to visit Squall that evening.

With his mind made up that he couldn't wait any longer, Squall got out of his bed and started for the door leading out of the infirmary. _"I need to talk to her. If she isn't going to come to me then I will go to her."_ His strides were purposeful, _"Dammit, Rinoa! You had better be in your dorm..."_

"And where do you think you are going, Mr. Leonhart?" Dr. Kadowaki had a very confused, but firm look set on her face.

Startled, Squall looked at the Doctor, "I'm going to go find someone, why?"

"While I have no illusions on being able to stop you once you set your mind on leaving, I must point out that your attire is not suited for wandering the corridors. Unless of course you want even more talk about you buzzing around the Garden?"

He looked down at himself and realized that in his haste to find Rinoa he'd forgotten that he was wearing only sweatpants and bandages. Squall retreated back into his area, pulled on one of the white tees that Rinoa had brought for him, and went to slip on his boots. After realizing that his ribs didn't like the action of bending over to put on the boots, he decided to forgo them altogether.

"I really don't care what I look like at the moment Doctor. This is important and I don't have the time to get properly dressed," he stated to the still confused looking Dr. Kadowaki, and strode out of the infirmary.

Once out the door, Squall tried to sprint down the corridor to the main area. It only took a few paces for his body to let him know that he wasn't up for running yet either. He leaned against the wall, giving himself a few moments to overcome the pain he had just caused himself. He was very thankful that this hall was rarely used, so no one saw his sad attempt.

After composing himself, he walked as fast as he could go without causing suspicion in those around him. His efforts may have been in vain though because every group of students, even his fellow SeeD members, would hush their conversations when he came near. This did not prevent him from hearing what most of them where saying. Some were in awe of him, a few wondered why he was dressed the way he was, while others speculated if, because of his affections towards Rinoa, he would bring destruction upon them all. He tried not to think on anything he heard; instead focusing on remembering which dorm room the Headmaster had given Rinoa.

When he was sure that he had the right door, he reached out to knock, but hesitated and settled for resting his hand lightly on the door. Gathering his thoughts to figure out how he would explain his reasoning for searching her out when he was supposed to still be in the infirmary, he laid his head next to his hand on the door. It took only a few seconds for him to hear the soft sound of sobbing coming from inside. With so little thought to his actions that it seemed as if his body moved of its own accord, Squall burst through the door. Inside, he found Rinoa wrapped up in a blanket, sitting on the desk, with a startled look on her face. None of that fazed him however, what did was Rinoa's bloodshot eyes and puffy face which could only come from hours of crying.

Squall closed the door gently and crossed the room in just a few of his long strides. Again, without thinking of the consequences of his actions, he swept Rinoa up in his arms, trying to not notice the screaming pain that came from his body. He set her on the edge of her bed and settled back onto it himself. When she didn't move from her spot he took her hand and gave it a slight tug, pulling her into him. She allowed herself to cuddle into his body, trying all the while to be mindful of his injuries. She could tell that it had cost him to pick her up that way. They sat for a while with Squall holding Rinoa protectively, not saying anything. Her silent sobs slowed and stopped.

"Rinoa…" He sighed, trying to force himself to open up to her they way he had on the railroad to Esthar. This time she wasn't in a coma though and he knew she could hear him. Trying again, "Rinoa, if you need to talk about anything, I promise I will never judge you and it will stay between us." He felt her nod against his chest, and try to stifle another sob.

_"Stupid girl," _Rinoa thought to herself. Still unable to bring herself to talk, for fear that she wouldn't be able to keep from crying again. _"I have what I've been wanting for, for so long. Squall, wants to talk. This is the longest conversation with me since that final battle, and I'm too much of a mess to keep it going." _

With a heavy sigh, "To put it plainly, I'm scared. Scared of being an outcast, of being alone. Most of all, of what I might become, and who I might hurt along the way. When I'm not worried about that, my mind is reeling about how to find out who Ultimecia is and keep her from ever coming to power. Since she is in the future, we can still stop her from coming into power and harming those she undoubtedly rules over in her time. But even with all that spinning around in my mind, the thing that I fear most of all is … losing you…"

Squall's arms tightened around her as he rested his cheek on the top of her head. "Rinoa, you'll be just fine. You have a strong group of friends here to support you, what the rest of the world thinks doesn't matter." To himself he added, _"And you have me…always."_ Moving his head slightly, he brushed his lips across the top of her head before continuing. "Sorceresses don't have to turn evil if they have a pure heart, which in my opinion you do, and a devoted Knight. I will always try to do right by you and keep you safe. There is a very good chance you won't fall prey to the blood lust your powers can cause." He once again took solace in the fact that she was safe in his arms and let the sweet floral sent of her hair lull him towards sleep.

Rinoa's mind however was reeling from everything he'd just told her. _"He still wants to be my Knight? After everything we've been through, that I've put him through these past months, he is still choosing to be by my side." _This realization calmed her nerves and she started feeling like the situation wasn't as bleak as she had thought. "Thank you, Squall. You don't know how much it means to me that you still want to be my Knight."

He pulled himself from almost sleep, "Want to be, and need to be. I get anxious when I don't know where you are or if you are alright… When you didn't come by this evening I couldn't stand it so I came looking for you." She playfully tugged at his sweatpants. "Yes, I was so set on finding you that I am still in sweatpants… barefoot." He sighed, "In fact I was so preoccupied with going that I almost walked right out only wearing only the sweats. Thankfully the Doctor stopped me… so I grabbed a shirt on my way out." Rinoa started giggling. "Well I'm glad it's amusing… to you." He gave her another squeeze.

She took his bandaged hand and gave it a kiss. "Being here with you is comfortable, it feels right." Squall closed his eyes again and nodded in agreement.

"_I should really talk to her about everything that has been on my mind... That is after all why I came looking for her… That and I feel more at ease when she is close. How do I even begin to talk about it? It's already been extremely difficult to open up as much as I have…"_

Rinoa could sense a change in Squall's attitude, _"He's in deep thought again, I'm sure of it. He's tensed up again." _She tilted her head up to try to see his face, "Anything you'd like to share out loud?"

"Headmaster Cid wants me to stay on as Commander of SeeD…" he let out a long sigh, "I don't think I'm ready for the responsibility."

"What do you mean? You handled everything wonderfully when Cid stepped away from the Garden. You led your team into one of, if not the most important battle in our known history. Squall, you can handle the responsibility. You are a natural leader, people respect you. I think you should see it as an honor to be given this opportunity."

"You… you fear what you might become. You fear the pain you might cause others. Rinoa… I have spent almost my entire life devoted to becoming the best fighter I could be. Garden is all I really remember… I came here at such a young age. Becoming SeeD was the only thing I saw in my future. Now I am loaned out to the highest bidder. I look in the mirror at myself and I see the very thing that you fear… I don't want to be a killer. I want to be…" He swallowed hard trying to rid himself of the emotional lump that started to form in his throat. "… I want to be worthy of being your Knight. I don't want to just turn down the position of Commander; I want to leave Garden completely." Squall leaned his head back and flung his free arm over his eyes.

Leaning away from him so she could get a better look at her Knight, "Squall…" She pulled at his arm, trying to look him in the eye, "Squall, please listen to me. I don't see you as a killer. The man in front of me is a protector. Sure you might get hired out, but that pays the bills. I've talked with Cid, he doesn't casually 'rent' the SeeD out to just anyone. Remember, I employed you on your first mission. What you must think of me if this is how you view yourself." She placed her finger on his lips to stop his protest. "You are Squall Leonhart, my wonderful Knight." Rinoa caressed his cheek, "And though you don't wish for anyone to know it, you are a very sensitive and caring man. You fight to protect, and Garden is lucky to have someone like you as their Commander."

He pulled her hand away from his face, but didn't let go of it. "I'll take that to mean you don't think I should quit…"

"No, you shouldn't. I think you'd regret it. You need this; it's what you're good at." She gave a small smile. "Besides, we'll need your help in finding Ultimecia."

"Rinoa… about that… We're done with her. There isn't any more that can be done." He saw the puzzled look in her eyes and sighed, "If we somehow are able to take her out before she comes into power… what happens to our past? I know that we can't do anything about her coming to power because we still had to fight her in time compression." He let go of her hand and placed it on her cheek, "Besides, if there is even the slightest chance of not having you in my life… it's selfish… but I wouldn't trade having you here for all the peace in the world…" With that Rinoa threw herself into him and hugged as tight as she could, trying to hold back the tears wanting to spill over. It wasn't until Squall grunted in pain that she remembered he was injured and pulled away.

"I'm glad that I came here and that I allowed… well… made myself talk to you. I think this is the most that I have ever talked… I can't promise that I won't ever withdraw from you again… mainly because I have no idea what medications I'm on and if this is because they are having effects on me… but Rinoa, I will try to be open with you. It's the best I can offer."

"Thank you for that, it means a lot to me. Speaking of medications, I think we should be getting you back to the infirmary." Rinoa glanced over at the clock on the nightstand, "It's getting late and you're falling asleep. Besides, I missed dinner so I want to stop by and get some food before they close for curfew."

She started to get to her feet, but Squall pulled her back down and lightly kissed her lips. Without moving away from her he whispered, "It scares me how much I need you in my life, but the thought of you not being there scares me even more." With that, he let her go and started trying to slide off the bed without causing too much pain in the process. Rinoa just stayed kneeling on the bed in stunned silence while she watched him get to his feet.

For a moment their eyes met, but neither said a thing. Squall turned away first and headed for the door, "Coming?" She got to her feet and followed him out.

They walked in silence on their way back to the infirmary. Every once in a while Rinoa would steal a glance at Squall and reach out for his hand, but she'd back out before he noticed. Squall's mind, on the other hand, couldn't stop thinking about kissing Rinoa and felt it was best that he was going back to the infirmary. Both were thankful the corridors were already cleared out for the night.

"I was wondering if you'd be coming back tonight, Mr. Leonhart." Dr. Kadowaki said ushering him to his bed. "I want to make sure you didn't aggravate any of your injuries. With the way you left, I wasn't sure you wouldn't just go running off and fight anyone in your way." Squall turned his face from Rinoa's view at these comments. While he had made himself admit to her how he feels about her and how much he needs her, it was still a cause of unease for him.

Rinoa started for the door, "I'll leave you two to all the medical stuff. I need to head out if I want to get food before they close for the night." With one last glance back at Squall she headed for the exit.

"Be back in the morning?" Squall asked. Rinoa turned quickly and saw his eyes over the doctor's shoulder; he was worried.

"Of course…" With that, she turned and ran out of his sight.


	3. My Apologies

My Apologies

I just wanted to post something letting everyone know that I probably won't be updating till at least the 24th. I was sick this last week and later today my family and I are going to be in the car for 8 hours. I'm going to try to finish up chapter three and get four done as well so all I have to do is type them up when I get back. We are working on moving to another state right now, but I am hoping that even with all that I'll be able to update the story once a week.

Thank you all who have been reading the story, I do really hope that you are enjoying it so far. Also a big thank you to those who have commented on it as well. I know I haven't said anything yet, but those comments do mean a lot to me. I hope everyone has a wonderful week and I hope to have those two chapters up for you by mid week!

~Callie


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